when it was good.

When it was good it was great.

It was me in charge of my little porno empire, calling the shots and being in charge and remaking the world into a kinder, gentler, happier version. It was me sitting on Isobel’s couch and watching as she photographed Bunny stripping out of her boy scout uniform.

It was me and Auryn, giggling together the way best friends do, playing around with cameras and clothes and dressing up and undressing and making some kind of art.

It was me and my friends, hanging out and having fun and creating pornography in the process.

It was documenting my life and having people care.

It was meeting creative, inspiring people and having them believe in me; having them join me in this adventure and eventually become close, trusted friends.

It was having people tell me that I made them feel beautiful and sexy and desirable.

It was being twenty-one, and a girl, and being a fucking CEO.

When it was good it was me using my sexuality — one of the few resources that I, as a young woman in New York City, had readily at my disposal — and getting power, and using that power to make my own little utopia, my own little section of the world where things functioned the way they were supposed to, the way I dreamed that they could.

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